REBT Self-Help Form
What is the situation that you are upset about?
Answer: Realized it wasn’t my families behavior: the abandonment by my mother, her downloading my care onto siblings, their resentment over becoming my parents, their guilt, and forced obligation and subsequent abandonment, that cused my lifelong feeling of hurt, it was how I looked at it that caused the major sting.
What are the unhealthy negative emotions that you are experiencing?
Answer: Hurt, shame, rage, jealousy, depression, anxiety.
What self-defeating behaviors would you like to change?
Answer: Withdrawal and avoiding social contact, procrastination, in the past I used drugs, I was unassertive for years, exercise avoidance and emotional eating as well.
What demand are you making about the situation?
Answer: I must perform well and win the love and approval of my siblings who see me as a source of guilt and obligation, or else I am an unworthy inadequate person. They should do the right thing and help me.
Dispute: Why must I? Where is the evidence that I am a no good shit. Where is it written that others should anything?
Rational Belief: There is no evidence. Nowhere is it written. I highly prefer they act loving and sane but they don’t have too.
In what way are you awfulizing about the situation?
Answer: It’s awful to be so abandoned
Dispute: How is it awful? Am I dying from this?
Rational Belief: I am not dying from this being on my own and solving my own problems.
What are you saying to yourself about the situation that indicates low frustration tolerance?
Answer: I’m so lost and alone, I can’t stand it.
Dispute: Where is the evidence that I can’t stand it.
Rational Belief: There is no evidence. I am standing it so I will stand it. Ive been standing it all my life so I’m really good at standing it. Mostly by focusing on my various satisfactions.
What beliefs show that you are rating people instead of rating their actions?
Answer: My siblings are a waste of space.
Dispute: Does a bad act make them bad people?
Rational Belief: No, they had no choice, used by a narcissist mother, emotionally incested, victims of guilt and obligation.
How are you overgeneralizing about the situation?
Answer: I’ll never have family to visit and care for me.
Dispute: Just because I prefer family to visit me does that mean I must have that?
Rational Belief: Not at all. I will figure ways to fill my time, by practising unconditional self acceptance, making art chatting with people that care for me, màking new friends and restarting old friendships. Make my own family.
What are your new healthy negative emotions?
Answer: I feel sad and disappointed about their choices and concerned.
What are your new self-helping behaviors?
Answer: Talking to strangers, asking for what I want. Exercising, Eating healthily. Tackling unpleasant tasks without needless delay.
Warning: This form should not be considered a substitute for individualized treatment with a mental health professional. If you are seeing a counselor or a therapist, it is recommended that you print this page and discuss your responses with him or her.
Designed by Will Ross © 2006
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