I ran a narcissist test by my re-connected sister.
Simply I asked for what I wanted, a relationship deepening exercise, and waited to see what happened.
I hadn’t seen her for 14 years since my wife died. At that time I asked for support, emotional and material, promises were made and nothing was forthcoming. I was devastated, loss compounding loss. I sought help at the hospital, saw a therapist and was taught REBT and learned that the anxiety, well terror really, I was experiencing was a consequence of the notion that things must go the way I expected and I couldn’t stand it if they didn’t.
I was professionally advised to avoid my sister for there was a very real danger of harm. So for 14 years I did just that. No family at Xmas birthdays etc. Often I spent them in tears missing a family.
Of course I never had one. My mother also being a narcissist and agoraphobic had not much to offer and my father was dead, coal miner with lung cancer when I was two. I remember being age 6 or so getting my tonsils out and the nurse bathed me and trimmed my toenails remarking on how they had never been cleaned, the nails black with dirt. I was so ashamed and embarrassed and scared, all alone in the hospital.
So here I am in the hospital asking to have my toenails cut because I’m half paralyzed and I can’t do it myself. We don’t do that, your family will have to. I don’t have one. Sorry but the rules……
So I recently reconnected with my sister cause I’m in real trouble with a stroke and I’m scared and she’s all I got. I’ve been trained by experts tho, ask for what you want, narcissists will leave blaming you for exposing their emptiness friends will stay and negotiate.
I want companionship as I’m lonely especially on the weekends. Maybe buy some art as I’m broke. Stuff like that. Oh ya and trim my toenails.
Uh no no and no. I’m much too busy, a lot going on. Money is out of the question for the wife of a rich oil man in Calgary. I dont do toenails. But I’ll come by with chocolate chip cookies (anxiety comfort food) sometime during the week maybe.
Funny thing happened since I fired my family this second time. Blood pressure came down, 120/70 now, depression lifted and I laughed all day, I walked without help for about a block with a walker, and my anterior deltoid came back so soon I will raise my arm again.
Oh ya I asked a nice nurse about toenails and she said sure what time?
So. A pain in the ass, but not a crisis, this stroke business. Sheesh