Overvalue, Undervalue, Dump, Smear Campaign.
That about sums it up. I mean, they are charming, seductive, they do all the right things a seducer for friendship and love is supposed to do.
The problem is, they lie.
They find some reason to undervalue you and they dump you.
It can be devastating.
They get bored, but in order to look good, they have to make it your fault that they moved on to their next adventure.
So they lie, to cover their inability to sustain relationship.
Because they are users, the other person, who has needs and desires as well, starts to ask for what they want and then it’s all over.
So off they go, covering their tracks with a smear campaign.
Throwing rocks as they go out the door.
Because they are charming seducers, they are hard to spot.
I mean we are supposed to be told that we are wonderful, because we are.
It’s just that they are, you know, liars.
So the problem is, they have nothing to give, no empathy.
They must look good or they are horrible awful people, others must like them, or they are horrible awful people.
So with nothing to give and no empathy, how do they control others to like them?
They love-bomb. You are so wonderful, wise and beautiful….
So when you start asking for reasonable things like commitment, honesty, trust and they don’t have it, they are out the door, blaming you to cover themselves, throwing rocks, then running a smear campaign to cover their tracks.
I recently met a religious woman in the park, one who used religion to show that she was looking good and likeable, and as soon as I said I didn’t prefer religion, she had nothing left, she was gone gone gone.
My gay narcissist acquaintances are much the same. As soon as I say I am hetero, I prefer friendship to belonging to a cult of sexual preference or religious preference and I’m going to be asking for trust, honesty, and commitment, just because I exist, they don’t have it, and they are gone with me as a gay basher or a heretic as they go out the door.
They hate me for asking for what I want.
That’s why, it couldn’t possibly be my fault.
People have choices, they can put up with me, they can be assertive and ask for whatever changes they want or they can reject me. I don’t have secret mind powers that control others choices. Others likes and dislikes only describe them. We are such complex creature with so many facets, to say one of these facets that you don’t prefer describes all of me, is insane.
If I say that about myself, I have created depression, anxiety, shame, embarrassment, guilt and rage.
Where is the evidence that my total being is shit, based on some characteristic that some narcissist focused on in order to get out of being in a healthy relationship?
There is no evidence.
I highly prefer to be perfect in everyone’s eyes (that’s a lot of different preferences to be, what a dance that would be) but I don’t have to be. It would be exhausting.
My last narcissist girlfriend took hours doing her face before going out the door as “you never know who you are going to meet.” She MUST be liked and accepted or she is no good. OK! What about the people who don’t prefer makeup, how do you fit in with them? Oh them, ewwwwwww.
And so it goes….